This is not new or unique to me!
This happens to me mostly with women!
Another creative meltdown. Another creative loss in my community, and by loss I mean to me.
Out of the blue this week, 6 months later after a performance, a seriously close creative collaborator sent me a venomous email which I believe to have little or nothing to do with me.
What it said? "You disrespected me" "You don't appreciate my talents" "you are self-centered" (true but not a crime) "you only call when you have drama and I don't want to hear about your crap" (so untrue)...
Maybe this Pistol is having a meltdown maybe they are manic. I know I am. And I can't take it. Blocked! Out. Done and I feel better. It's over.
I'm kinda numb. I learned a lot from this person, but they aren't well right now. Neither am I.
The last thing said by them was, all on facebook: "You can't take any criticism that's not kissing your ass, can you.." I mean -- what does that even mean? I won't be bullied. Not by anyone. Man or Woman.
I take criticism all the time - my band gives it. But they don't call me names, try to pick ugly fights or trump up charges that I was mean and nasty and disrespectful. Cause I'm not. And if I am snappy, I apologize asap. I'm not perfect I get fussy and/or frustrated sometimes. Live music is rough. Keeping a band (AND DANCERS??) even tougher. Without a budget??? OY VEY.
I'm always conscientious, though, and when I'm nasty I usually know it because I feel bad. I apologize. For the record I apologized to this one, but they wouldn't have it. BURN BABY BURN! They burned the Bridge.
I've prided myself on being the best bandleader I can be. When I quit something, I don't have to blow it up to pieces. I don't have to, because there is a way to communicate in an honest way that I'm done. I might be angry about it. But I won't be forever.
Here are some ways to communicate you don't want to do a creative project anymore:
1. This has been a learning experience but I don't have time or the mental space for it right now. Best of Luck.
2. I'm sorry I can contribute to this anymore. (you don't need to explain!)
3. Something doesn't feel right to me and I have to trust my instinct on this one.
4. I don't feel comfortable with this krewe.
5. I thought I would be a good fit but I'm not, and I thank you for inviting me to perform.
6. I have to focus on myself and what's best for me. Good Luck!
(If I am angry)
7. The way you've spoken to me was unacceptable. I don't work like this. We're not a match. Best of luck.
I don't need to blow shit up or list the crap that I don't like because if they're acting machugana they can't hear it anyway.
This is all fine and understandable. Maybe the project people or the band will be hurt for a bit (maybe I'll be hurt) but let it go, I have let this stuff go-- and it's getting easier to navigate an angry disagreement.
Not everyone is going to like what you choose to do, say, act out, or perform. But you can't go psycho about it. You can't control other people.
Another more amazing performer will come along that's the right fit - or You (I) We can take a different direction or approach.
Sometimes it's just not meant to be forever. But I'm still happy it happened. I'm also happy it's over.
I feel better now, I feel good and that I did the right thing (for me) and I'm sure they did the thing that THEY know how to do.