I was feeling so bad today (in a general mental space-way) that I put myself back to sleep! I think I was just exhausted! I spun myself out and luxuriously slept another 30 - 40 mins to ride it out. That was AFTER a meditation.
When I woke up (doggies in bed and all yaay) I still felt a lot of feelings that I couldn't process so I popped on the 'ole Hay House Radio. It's been about a year since I've listened, despite the terribly difficult year I've had.
If you don't know me, I'm a total new ager. But I do have my limits! I had cast off The "Law of Attraction" a while ago. I have read the book, watched the movies, and listened to the podcasts but I just gave it all up one day.
Well today's the day! The day it has made a modecrum of sense to me. After listening to a non-believer ask a question about his finances Esther guided him into the process of getting him into a headspace whereby he could accept that his thoughts do affect his future, and that his thoughts are blocking him from what he wants.
HE WANTS MONEY! and guess what? so do I! LOL.
But more importantly (to me) I was feeling bad today. Listening to the man's struggles helped me realize that:
- I am sad. All this negativity floating around in my brain coming out in different ways : this person didn't treat me right or this girl has what I want or I don't want her to have what I have!!! ??? What?
Yes. In my brain I not only want MORE I sometimes want you (mostly if I don't jive with you) to have less. Yikes. That is not the me I want me to be.
- So I'm feeling a little less than. Noted. I cried it out a bit. I let it go as far as it wanted to go and then I did my nasty dishes.
- I realized, while listening to the podcast that I can't jump from 'I don't have shit' - (not true) to I have everything I want and need and the universe is taking care of me in every way.
- I need to generalize my beliefs and desires and get to a place where I can calm down! Then start, sometimes, with what I don't want to get to what I do want.
- This new blogging is about getting out of fear and exposing the inner mind of my artistry and lifestyle. It's interesting- to me. It definitely helps me organize the book I want to write! BOOYAH!
The fact that I'm taking the time is one step towards my own manifestation of my desires and dreams. Out of fear and into gear. STOOPID! but true for me.
-I know what I want and I'm doing what I want. It doesn't always go well. I'm scared about the future. I feel like I've given up a lot of what society sees as successful to pursue my artistic dreams and it's painful that I don't view myself as a success sometimes. But sometimes I do!?!
But today wasn't one of those days. I can't tell you if the law of attraction is true, that it works, that I've manifested something major (like a radio hit wha wha)?? I haven't. I don't have anymore this moment than I had in the last one. But, I can get into a general headspace that allows me to be ok with where I am at this moment, and plan for future moments by getting into action. I can start the path to believing that I have mental blocks that are clouding my happiness and potentially hurting my future.
Listen to the podcast and give me your thoughts:: It's an hour, but the guy I'm speaking of is the first 30 mins.
And PLEASE don't be nasty to me if you're going to comment! I can't take it this week.
(listen to the podcast here) You will need to create an account.