Friday, April 24, 2020

late in the evening all you want to do is play the piano, slowly and with feeling

But I can't tonight! I probably could, but I have a staff infection in my finger. And I want to give it another day to heal and DEF can't pick up that guitar and finish that song "dreams" i've been working on for a month. It HURTS> Speaking of....

This global pandemic is finally starting to get to me. I relaxed into the first month because I was able to continue my detox of this last failed attempt at relationship. I kept seeing them around town; I felt I was always looking over my shoulder; and sometimes there they were. My heart sunk. Then it rose thinking the union could continue; then it would fall again: only one person showing up. Need two.

So, I was thankful I could just heal and not worry about all that, all that Fomo. Sometimes Austin is still a small town! But it is MY TOWN and I've been here awhile so my note to self: WALK WITH HEAD HIGH. Self-Esteem is vital! Stay in the flow; continue to let love in.

DOOOOOOD this last season was trying in many ways: I didn't have much in the way artistically to work on; and at the same time i was burned out. Weird. I'm enjoying the quiet solitude most times but tonight is hard. AND MY FINGER> OUCH

It's been almost a year since I went on my solo camping trip. I"m trying to think of when/where I can go next. I will take myself for my birthday.

That last trip was A TRIP! I went west thru from Texas to California and down to Baja. I was worried down there, driving alone: seemed to be checkpoints everywhere and I didn't have the proper papers for my camper. But I will next time, if I go to Mexico. I could be happy in Arizona or New Mexico alone! Or the more isolated parts of California. Some Parts of California are HEINUS to me.

It was scary and exhilarating! The miles and miles and miles of scary sand dunes in the middle of nowhere: the rolling hills - couldn't see 10 feet in front of me. The lights and obvious "workshop" in carved into the sand dune: I was scared of getting a flat tire all by myself in the middle of nowhere. I didn't though.

I would like to do it again: but can we ever do anything again? Without masks? Will inspiration come? Can i find more awesome hot springs? Will I complete the record I started on that journey: "Welcome to the El Dorado"???

Dreaming of hot springs....dreaming of live shows and entertaining people.