Thursday, May 28, 2015

Painting A Day ::: The love of doing, versus the love of producing and the residency in my mind

Hi Art Angels!

I'm at a very interesting juncture in my life...This TERRIBLY interesting interview with Maria Popova (a genius philosopher at 30) on On Being had me in tears over I don't know what-- some deep rooted psychic issue. She just has these amazing quips about culture...stuff I think or don't think about, but that concerns me. Her Blog: I'm only sorry I haven't gotten to it sooner: Brain Pickings.

I have just come back from a self imposed workation / residency in NYC whereby I went to connect with artists, make a video, I did some sexy photos with my bestie there Actor Emily Ben, and Photog Ed Verosky and generally just soak up the culture.

I spent a lot of money! On just getting around, even though Raindogg let me couch crash for 2 weeks in his daughter's bed:)

I went to the Ballet, I went shopping at my favorite thrift in Hell's Kitchen, I went out, I spent WAAY too much time inside painting, Cause I'm in the middle of a Painting a Day Fundraiser.  I did Bikrim a lot!

I met some interesting Crown Heights Real Estate investors who took me and Emily out to very very expensive Fusion meal; and I had some of the most stimulating conversation there I've had in a very long while. Mostly cause I met Eric at that table, who gave me a short history of his rags to riches story with a hilarious delivery:: He grew up in the projects of Brooklyn, and now he's a millionaire, or some such:: more importantly, he fed me a dose of his wisdom. Frank, "my date" from Trinidad was also interesting, but he fed me, just not much wisdom. He wanted to get into my pants.

...We just danced and held hands for a second. That's about what I could handle. But I have made a couple of friends that I hope will inspire me, the same way Maria Popova does. Eric is JUST AS BRILLIANT >>> I have suggested he write a book.

Without going into too much of what he said, (he drove Emily NUTS she was like Stahhhhhp talking) I wish I had taped all of it, here are a few quips:

-He does a Brain Fast, I don't know how often:::: No negative thoughts or people for 45 days. If he has good friends or people he loves he does NOT talk to them.

-He says the worse type of negativity are the "subtle down on you thinkers"

-He has never listened to a phone message in 15 years

-He says "It's da Truf"

-and, "Everyone's an expert, even if they ain't shit"

-Most importantly, he says no matter how ugly it is, "Never, ever lie to yourself".

That night Eric and Emily went on their way and Frank and I went salsa dancing an local club in Williamsburg. It was SO PACKED there was no salsa dancing that was really possible, and I was really looking forward to dancing :( We stayed for an hour and I asked to go. I realized that I don't think New York is for me, only in doses. I thought to myself, How is this fun? Too many people crammed in seriously like sardines. The DJ's were talented though, and there were some live African drummers - but they never really cooked.

I'm still considering applying to go back to school there- but New Orleans is just as good of an option to me. Or I might not school myself any further.

Popova got me to thinking: because part of her thing she talks about in the interview is actual productivity versus producing. She claims (my words) that as a creative thinker, most of her time spent is listening to podcasts, reading, writing, musing:: Everything I love to DO! But, instead of a philosopher blogger girl, I call myself a bohemian. I like to read, write in my journal, paint and study music and do yoga. In a way I'm a big CLICHÉ!

I constantly struggle with the guilty notion that I'm not good enough, don't produce enough, am not popular enough, am lazy, etc. I want to be free of that, because many people around me tell me I'm inspiring and very productive. Unless every moment is spent, I often feel less than. In essence, I'm a typical neurotic Jew.

I'm trying to retrain my brain. Because I want to rebel against this so hard that my fists are pumping.

My Painting a Day paintings are selling quickly! On a happy note:: I will make my fundraiser goals easily for Sacred Space and maybe have some left over. I am thrilled. Plus, mostly the paintings are good, meaning I like them.

Today's Painting a Day 

The Very Brilliant Eric from Brooklyn in mid sentence, a rich real estate investor.

A crappy Mural in NoHO
My generous host and collaborator, the producer/director/editor Raindogg
The day of my shoot : a selfie
Those burnt out buildings in The Village- where that guy was stealing gas and the buildings exploded

Monday, May 4, 2015

Forgive me blogger, it's been 1 month since my last confession

And guess what!!!?

I've emerged out of my state of denial into another state! Fear of my Bari, fear of my sax. I was noodling around on my very entertaining little Bb Clarinet, a Penzel Muellar Artist, when I realized I could blow out Klezmer solos, bend all the notes, and sound like the Jew I am + Gypsy.

The way you can bend notes on a clarinet is obviously why it is commonly the first choice in Klezmer tunes. I've been studying to my favorite Klezmer band of all time : The New Orleans Klezmer All Stars. 

That Clarinet player is BOSS. (ON Manichalfwitz) my favorite record. What he can do on that clarinet I've rarely heard. Anyway, at our last Minor Mishap practice I brought the clarinet to play around, and to get a real clarinet play to assess its tone. Well, no clarinet players showed up that day.

...A clarinet solo was coming:: in our song Marigny, so I snuck over, got it, to to my surprise I blew out a little solo that sounded Jewish. And no one was expecting it.

Later, Datri called me on another solo - on the Bari - in another harmonic minor song - and I could NOT bend the notes, I could NOT sound so much like a Klezmer. I was hurt.

The Bari does not want to be something it is not. It wants to be a grandpa, a husky low end. The notes are far apart on it for my littleish hands, I can't move them that quickly for all the years I've studied sax, and the upper register left hand keys sound like crap. I can't stay in tune.

Alto, I love you. I think that you are cute, little alto, as you sit on your stand - so easy to hold, so easy to grab.

You Bari, you take more effort. More effort to hold, more effort to blow and manipulate. But you demand attention, and you get it. I thank you for that.

I need to figure this it simply a matter of skill? Personality? Determination?

While in my first year of playing the bari, about 4 years ago, people used to ask, Is it SO HARD? I always said, NaH! It's like butter! I was cocky. I was in denial. I've hit a glass ceiling and I'm going to have to rehearse my way through it.

It could be fun. But most likely...