Music: restoring me to sanity AGAIN. Improv, Todd V Wolfson, MonkeyNest Jamz

I have given up a lot for music. But last night it clearly gave something back to me. I have been UPINDAHEAD way too much lately, and it's been hard to meditate my way out of it. It's been hard to "AA - my way out of it" Yes -- I'm outing myself, finally!

It's been hard to "yoga" my way out of this tough time too: (separation/impending divorce/midlife crisis, just the little things!)

I guess, maybe, because these things are not my purpose in life, they are just part of my life.

Art is my purpose, and I only know that because I never cared (like, in school) about anything but my art class. The art class I finally took as a senior!!! I just meandered for 4 years doing as little as possible prior.

There was that one literature class where we read Shakespeare aloud...that was RAD!

It's all I cared for and I had a nurturing art teacher that year (finally) that gave me some love, attention, and good vibes that I desperately needed to secure a path to the artistic realm. I needed it: I had started to get into a lot of trouble with drugs, boys in school, and I was going to the principles office a lot. That's about what I remember.

Let's just make it up as we go along! 

There is one thing that I see over and over in artists (artistry) that inspires me so much. They live in a space in the world where it's ok to just make it up. Make it up as we go along. It comes out in the music, it comes out in their gigs and art.

Last night, Houser said to me: Oh yeah, I'm playing with Edie Brickell in Dallas (as well as with David Garza) We play early at 8- then Me and Hubbard are going to get in the car and drive immediately to play a gig with Golden Dawn Arkestra at Art Outside: we'll get there right ontime:: at 1am!

I was like, really? Aren't you going to be tired? He said, "It's all in your perspective, really - Isn't it?" Agreed. And, I'm sad I can't be at the Edie show, as she was a huge influence on me in high school. Kristen and I listened to "What I am" and that whole record incessantly...

Thank God I will be playing at Art Outside too, with Minor Mishap, and I will be in the front row cheering on my peeps.

Brad inspires me so much: So does this motley cure of brass below me: Salmon and Hubbard. These guys..............





This jam is what I needed. I needed to be surrounded by like-minded people. I needed the beautiful, made up in the moment artistry. I needed to feel it in the air, and on my lips! I needed to catch notes out of the sky and feel like a part of it.

The way Todd's jams work is someone will throw a tune out there, and we all hop on the bus. You pluck notes out of the air, you find the scale, you find the spaces in which to insert something pretty. Or in my case laugh, or be silly.

At one point I was making up a song on Bruce's Resonator - Todd MADE me. I had prepared no originals, so I put 3 chords together. Behind me, at some point, as I was trying to make up lyrics that sounded stupid to me, but what what I was feeling, it was more serious than I had wanted it to sound...

This girl behind me was shaking trash from a trash can - it was so rigorous, almost in time but not, that I turned around and was like, WTF is that? It was trash!

I laughed out loud, and then the drummer John Bush and I had another laugh about it as we recapped the irony:0

At another point Me, Bruce, and Hubbard got up and acted as a section, plucking out tunes together. Later, Hubbard walked outside with his accordian for a bit to play to the stars.

I nearly followed....

Todd told me to freak out, so I freaked out on the horn making it crazy.

OH! It was much to do about nothing.

Precisely what was inspiring about it.

PHOTOS by Sheridan

I wish I were Black

I know it's not PC to say that. But walking the dogs through my neighborhood tonight DA EAST SIDE!!! there was a smokin' party going with full on DJ, bright lights, and rap music and people hanging out on the front porch. No white-ies.

The sound system was SO GOOD, the lights very funky, and I loved the rap song they played. I had no idea who it was. I wish I was more versed in new rap/hip hop music.

Something like...."things is on my mind, not be all the time, thinking sometime In MY CITY!" those weren't the words but the chorus was something like that. Very catchy.

Can't I be black instead of Jew? I could blow the soul out of my horn. I could BLOW BETTER! Have a fro, wear bright pink lipstick like Rhianna, wear big gold "ghetto" jewelry...EAAAWWWW I already do that.

I want to play sax for a rapper like that -  something good. Just putting it out there. And please be black if possible.

It reminds me that I missed Pharcyde this year by a pinch, at SXSW. Which has gotten SO HUGE that bands like Pharcyde were playing at a small club on Rainey Street.

Instead, who did I catch? Freaking Asher Roth the most hideous stupid overhyped whitest frattiest sorority induced rap I've ever heard. I hate his music. It an embarrassment to the mainstream.

That's who I caught. I was PISSED! HO well. BTW his show was terrible.

Minor Mishap is leading a procession to Stubbs where De La Soul is playing this halloween and I hope that gives us entry.

That will have to dooooo!

So tonight, on the way to a gig at the Continental Club with my dear Minor Mishap, I will blow the soul out of this white jew's Bari.

It will have to doooooo!

Hey how are you? Fine how are you?

Hey what's up? 

Aww nothing I just rode my bike to the grocery store. (Yaaay!) instead of the scooter. I feel like a bad ass! Simple pleasures. That grocery store is whacked. I almost had a kaniption cause I couldn't find the random things I needed. I felt like a complete stoner walking around aimlessly. Of course, it's Sunday night so they're out of everything.   While looking for some witch hazel I got on all fours and started clearing the bottom shelf looking for one last lonely bottle! A guy in a red Shirt (undercover HEB staff) comes by to check me out to make sure I'm not losing it. 

But you can't lose it! Cause sometimes, there are like cute guys around :-/

Speaking of cute guys...I was there to get baking stuff. I'm making cookies tonight. For both my Hubby and my lover! That's sweet of me, right?

....hmmmmmmm how's that going?

......mmmm it's going fine- but I'm like tired all the time - I think I'm depressed. Fri-sat-sun I couldn't barely get off the couch! And I have like a lot of work to do!

I'm pretty zapped all the time. Listen- I made up with McCarthy! He said he's going to mix my record. He a genius! ...and he owes me! So maybe this record will get out soon. In the meantime Marty's going to mix the single so I can go ahead and send it out. Raindogg and I thought we should release them all as singles one at a time, since McCarthy agreed to do them "in his spare time". 

That's a great idea! Nobody releases records anymore. It's so 1998.  

Yo the single is a cool 2:13 seconds! Very Ramones, and also very Blondie. I sing really high on it. Also with a slight British accent. Retarded, I know. I want you to hear it soon, Scams! I gotta run. I'm full of popcorn and coconut water and I want to ride home and get to bed early. Hey have you watched that show Californication?......

Keeping Austin Weird or Keeping Austin Austin?

I LOVE THESE PEOPLE!

It's tough to see my fellow peeps in pain, and I saw one such amazing bass player friend of mine today at a coffee shop. He is going through a major life transition right now. Ejected out of his house that he'd been living in for 15 years due to a mold infestation and the severe deterioration of his health. He was paying next to nothing in rent. Now he's forced to join most of what Austin is today: a terribly rough housing market.

I don't know how we do it. And by that I mean managing our lives while still finding inspiration to make art out of nothing. My friend said, "I'm going on tour tomorrow for three days - to me, that is normal. I've got to feel normal again." LOL this of course means living in a van, eating on the road, sleeping in friends or fan's homes, but travelling, playing music and being with your homies.

The Willie Nelson song "On the Road Again" comes to mind.

It's true we've all manifested our own lives. I don't believe I'm a victim of my circumstances and in addition to that I'm always thinking of ways I can make some cash to get going or doing something.

I currently am invited to tour with friends in Italy this October but I'd be paying my own way- it would be more of a workation - than a tour, but I'd rather travel by playing music, period. It feels better to me.

This trip would/will be amazing and I might do it- but I'd like to manifest a situation where I'm being paid to do just the same. I'm not sure how to do this: but I'm starting with a simple statement:

I believe that taking lessons and practicing my site reading will lend myself to higher paying gigs. I'm nodding, to myself. Yes this is true for me.

The question I've been hearing lately around a lot among artistic and musical circles is this: We are going to get pushed out of this town. That's not an exaggeration, and it's not hysterical - if you want to be an underground artist.

If you want to do architecture or build houses for a living and you happen to play music, you'll be fine. If you want to continue to make the music you like to make and it doesn't happen to be Taylor Swift or the like, you will be eating beans. There is about I would guess a 3% chance you're not going to eat beans.

If Austin wants to keep it's cultural roots and not turn into something that looks like Deep Eddy in Dallas or The Riverwalk in San Antonio, they're going to have to keep coming up with ways to help their artists. I really believe this.

Some ideas: 
-an emergency stipend for rent/bills for WORKING (not slacker) musicians. I'm kind of harsh about this: you should be working as an artist, but I'll let the gatekeepers deal with that.
-An artists co - op of of duplex or condo's. A 90210 for artists of all types. Partially City-Funded (not art businesses I believe there is that going on already)-- See the Canopy.
-That's all I got. I've got to go pick up my animal from Emancipet. He got a ((FFRREEEEE))) surgery from the mobile clinic:: SNIP SNIP. Found him running around like a mashugana on the East Side in front of Arlan's on Airport.

So - see - we fund for animals. If we didn't there would be 1,000,000 more dogs and cats on the streets running wild. More disease, trash, poo-- catch my drift?

Let's start getting real about taking care of ourselves and our communities. If Austin wants to "KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD" it's going to do more than build up the huge establishments on South Lamar, keep air cranes in the downtown sky, and build up condos no one I know can afford.

It's going to have to keep a balance of what's weird and cool in our little community (the creative people - duh) with what's going to bring in $$$.

Ladies ladies bitches hos player haters gamers & creative nemesis'

This is dedicated to all the ladies. I love love my ladies. I am one of those l❤️❤️Vvers of all things female, and I personally wouldn't survive with women in my life. My mom, my friends, my grandparents + sister (dead but still vibing). My sister in law, my mother in law, my niece, (not my x-step mom) but I think you get the point::

I need women in my life to guide my thoughts, love me, like my clothes and go shopping with me-- but I have to say::::

We have a mother fucking hard ass time getting along you bitches! 

This is what I mean:::

We're competitive, frightened, egocentric, passive aggressive, downright mean and nasty behind closed doors and sometimes in front of them. I'm so tired of the caddy bullshit that I wrote a song in homage to  one of my haters: Cat Fight. I sing it with some parts anger some parts fear, and I made the band play it in such away that it's not cute and furry- but dark and heavy. It's not cute when two girls hate each other because on the other side of that hate is probably adoration and love. But, the ill will gets in the way and voila- signals crossed.

Creative women have to work hard at it- and by that I mean working together in bands or creative projects. When women work together it's a beautiful thing! It shows in the performance.

For instance I have been made aware by fans when I'm the only female on stage - as if it's something to be proud of, like I must be amazing if the dudes let me play with them. And sometimes I like that too:: being the only femme up there. 

But mostly I'm concerned with players that work at what they do and get along. And don't be boring! I dislike boring people both male and female. 

I'm not sure what I'm saying here.

I know I have female nemesis out there. I know that those nemesis are all creative. I know that I'm either jealous, hurt, or confused by their mixed messages, their hot and cold personalities. I know it has nothing to do with their talents or how talented they are. I love surrounding myself with the best.

All I know is I perceive them to give me bad vibes, and then, over time, in turn, I turn on them as well. I give it back and then : boom - creative nemesis. It varys over time and I've seen it get well and change, and appreciate. But mostly it stays the same for years on end.

It makes me miserable that there's no healing, that I haven't healed, but that's life. 

As I turned the key to my door after another amazing show played downtown, I heard my dogs barking. I thought briefly about my dogs. They don't like everything or everyone either.

But they LOOOOVE me! That is clear.

Practicing Patience::: zzzzzzzz boring.

Last night I went on a late night bike ride. I put on my favorite mash-up Fela Soul https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PDg8YyFzMw it was lovely. I had had a hard day, my emotions have been all over the map.

I've been telling myself that I'm less than, I've been doing a lot of "Compare and Despair" LOL. That says it all. It's not a race, this life. My triggers are my career (music mainly but art too) two very difficult paths.

Which brings me to my thought today about myself. I am very impatient. I'm the one with road rage cause I'm always in a hurry. (For that I work from home and drive as little as possible) I think sitting in traffic is such a waste of time and my brain starts to short circuit....

I also have no patience when it comes to the timeline of my dreams of successes. I want it all now and even if it's coming, it takes so long to get here that it's already not enough. I look at people and wonder how they get their ideas for the amazing things that they do.

I want to do amazing things! I want to be a part of a community of amazing happenings! My fellow creative calls this "FOMO" or Fear of Missing Out. Apparently I'm not alone if there is a new english acronym for it! LOL.

Bike riding last night was WONDERFUL! It's too hot here right now to ride during the day. I focused on focusing on the road.

I had a song idea this morning and I'm just thinking about how to settle into this patience that I desire. In the meantime, I temper my thoughts. I take Chinese Herbs (they work I think!) get acupuncture, and try to be me.

I have another idea: I am going to do a portrait series of wonderful women: They're nudes. I would take commissions, but if you know of an amazing woman artist, musician, activist, or local celeb I'll take suggestions. I have the first model: Datri Bean, my amazing and talented band leader in Minor Mishap. She'll have a rose in her hair, and hold her kitty.

Happy Saturday.

Ask -- and it's Given? The law off attraction

I was feeling so bad today (in a general mental space-way) that I put myself back to sleep! I think I was just exhausted! I spun myself out and luxuriously slept another 30 - 40 mins to ride it out. That was AFTER a meditation.

When I woke up (doggies in bed and all yaay) I still felt a lot of feelings that I couldn't process so I popped on the 'ole Hay House Radio. It's been about a year since I've listened, despite the terribly difficult year I've had.

If you don't know me,  I'm a total new ager. But I do have my limits! I had cast off The "Law of Attraction" a while ago. I have read the book, watched the movies, and listened to the podcasts but I just gave it all up one day.

Well today's the day! The day it has made a modecrum of sense to me. After listening to a non-believer ask a question about his finances Esther guided him into the process of getting him into a headspace whereby he could accept that his thoughts do affect his future, and that his thoughts are blocking him from what he wants.

HE WANTS MONEY! and guess what? so do I! LOL.

But more importantly (to me) I was feeling bad today. Listening to the man's struggles helped me realize that:

- I am sad. All this negativity floating around in my brain coming out in different ways : this person didn't treat me right or this girl has what I want or I don't want her to have what I have!!! ??? What?

Yes. In my brain I not only want MORE I sometimes want you (mostly if I don't jive with you) to have less. Yikes. That is not the me I want me to be.

 - So I'm feeling a little less than. Noted. I cried it out a bit. I let it go as far as it wanted to go and then I did my nasty dishes.

- I realized, while listening to the podcast that I can't jump from 'I don't have shit' - (not true) to I have everything I want and need and the universe is taking care of me in every way.

- I need to generalize my beliefs and desires and get to a place where I can calm down! Then start, sometimes, with what I don't want to get to what I do want.

- This new blogging is about getting out of fear and exposing the inner mind of my artistry and lifestyle.  It's interesting-  to me. It definitely helps me organize the book I want to write! BOOYAH!

The fact that I'm taking the time is one step towards my own manifestation of my desires and dreams. Out of fear and into gear. STOOPID! but true for me.

-I know what I want and I'm doing what I want. It doesn't always go well. I'm scared about the future. I feel like I've given up a lot of what society sees as successful to pursue my artistic dreams and it's painful that I don't view myself as a success sometimes. But sometimes I do!?!

But today wasn't one of those days. I can't tell you if the law of attraction is true, that it works, that I've manifested something major (like a radio hit wha wha)?? I haven't. I don't have anymore this moment than I had in the last one. But, I can get into a general headspace that allows me to be ok with where I am at this moment, and plan for future moments by getting into action. I can start the path to believing that I have mental blocks that are clouding my happiness and potentially hurting my future.

Listen to the podcast and give me your thoughts:: It's an hour, but the guy I'm speaking of is the first 30 mins.

And PLEASE don't be nasty to me if you're going to comment! I can't take it this week.

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