Seriously today- who gives a shit!?

Today. Who gives a shit!? I am tired of being tired and unmotivated.

This portrait flew out in about 20 mins, after a beautiful messenger communicae with Fernanda via Sao Paolo. 

She was a comfort and a muse: and discussed her desire to move to Berlin and work for a time. 

F and I met in New York last Feb. via Andre- Andre I met on the Internet through music. He came to Austin and we shot my first solo record cover together, for "Femmie Auteur" in 2009. He shoots incredible black and white photography, and they are both about 10 years younger than me. 

When I was in NY for a month Andre connected us- me and Fernanda. She was there doing a job for 6 months in Branding. I still don't know exactly what she does, but she is a brainiac. 

Andre is right. Her and I are kindred spirits. I am not a brainiac. I am a bohemian. But I love working too: on art and music. I love studying too: music and art. 

Fernanda lifted my spirits talking about coming here for SXSW 2015. She said I could follow her to Berlin. I want to sing Cabaret, I will find a gig. Dreaming is all that it should be. I see about 3 months there, 4 - 6 if I want to learn to speak German.

Prior to the late night chat with Fernanda I was bargaining. I wanted my old boyfriend back. I wanted to move to NY despite the lack of trees. I wanted to play in the difficult Marching Band and I was thinking ¿what if I had a kid.?

Those thoughts flew out the window when the dreams of Fernanda's Berlin flew in. 

And now the old ideas seem - eh - a couple miles away. 

My job is to study music and work on my graphics jobs and not sit on them too long so I can stay in the $$ flow. 

If I can make it here I'll make it anywhere. 

-dreaming

-feeling humbled

-cleaning my house

-eating better today

-less crying than yesterday

-amazing and talented friends

-a long, quiet evening 

-too much facebook

-time for bed

Goodnight dreamers.

http://www.andrepeniche.com

There are a whole lot more Andre photos! But I'm going to bed.

Music: restoring me to sanity AGAIN. Improv, Todd V Wolfson, MonkeyNest Jamz

I have given up a lot for music. But last night it clearly gave something back to me. I have been UPINDAHEAD way too much lately, and it's been hard to meditate my way out of it. It's been hard to "AA - my way out of it" Yes -- I'm outing myself, finally!

It's been hard to "yoga" my way out of this tough time too: (separation/impending divorce/midlife crisis, just the little things!)

I guess, maybe, because these things are not my purpose in life, they are just part of my life.

Art is my purpose, and I only know that because I never cared (like, in school) about anything but my art class. The art class I finally took as a senior!!! I just meandered for 4 years doing as little as possible prior.

There was that one literature class where we read Shakespeare aloud...that was RAD!

It's all I cared for and I had a nurturing art teacher that year (finally) that gave me some love, attention, and good vibes that I desperately needed to secure a path to the artistic realm. I needed it: I had started to get into a lot of trouble with drugs, boys in school, and I was going to the principles office a lot. That's about what I remember.

Let's just make it up as we go along! 

There is one thing that I see over and over in artists (artistry) that inspires me so much. They live in a space in the world where it's ok to just make it up. Make it up as we go along. It comes out in the music, it comes out in their gigs and art.

Last night, Houser said to me: Oh yeah, I'm playing with Edie Brickell in Dallas (as well as with David Garza) We play early at 8- then Me and Hubbard are going to get in the car and drive immediately to play a gig with Golden Dawn Arkestra at Art Outside: we'll get there right ontime:: at 1am!

I was like, really? Aren't you going to be tired? He said, "It's all in your perspective, really - Isn't it?" Agreed. And, I'm sad I can't be at the Edie show, as she was a huge influence on me in high school. Kristen and I listened to "What I am" and that whole record incessantly...

Thank God I will be playing at Art Outside too, with Minor Mishap, and I will be in the front row cheering on my peeps.

Brad inspires me so much: So does this motley cure of brass below me: Salmon and Hubbard. These guys..............





This jam is what I needed. I needed to be surrounded by like-minded people. I needed the beautiful, made up in the moment artistry. I needed to feel it in the air, and on my lips! I needed to catch notes out of the sky and feel like a part of it.

The way Todd's jams work is someone will throw a tune out there, and we all hop on the bus. You pluck notes out of the air, you find the scale, you find the spaces in which to insert something pretty. Or in my case laugh, or be silly.

At one point I was making up a song on Bruce's Resonator - Todd MADE me. I had prepared no originals, so I put 3 chords together. Behind me, at some point, as I was trying to make up lyrics that sounded stupid to me, but what what I was feeling, it was more serious than I had wanted it to sound...

This girl behind me was shaking trash from a trash can - it was so rigorous, almost in time but not, that I turned around and was like, WTF is that? It was trash!

I laughed out loud, and then the drummer John Bush and I had another laugh about it as we recapped the irony:0

At another point Me, Bruce, and Hubbard got up and acted as a section, plucking out tunes together. Later, Hubbard walked outside with his accordian for a bit to play to the stars.

I nearly followed....

Todd told me to freak out, so I freaked out on the horn making it crazy.

OH! It was much to do about nothing.

Precisely what was inspiring about it.

PHOTOS by Sheridan

Keeping Austin Weird or Keeping Austin Austin?

I LOVE THESE PEOPLE!

It's tough to see my fellow peeps in pain, and I saw one such amazing bass player friend of mine today at a coffee shop. He is going through a major life transition right now. Ejected out of his house that he'd been living in for 15 years due to a mold infestation and the severe deterioration of his health. He was paying next to nothing in rent. Now he's forced to join most of what Austin is today: a terribly rough housing market.

I don't know how we do it. And by that I mean managing our lives while still finding inspiration to make art out of nothing. My friend said, "I'm going on tour tomorrow for three days - to me, that is normal. I've got to feel normal again." LOL this of course means living in a van, eating on the road, sleeping in friends or fan's homes, but travelling, playing music and being with your homies.

The Willie Nelson song "On the Road Again" comes to mind.

It's true we've all manifested our own lives. I don't believe I'm a victim of my circumstances and in addition to that I'm always thinking of ways I can make some cash to get going or doing something.

I currently am invited to tour with friends in Italy this October but I'd be paying my own way- it would be more of a workation - than a tour, but I'd rather travel by playing music, period. It feels better to me.

This trip would/will be amazing and I might do it- but I'd like to manifest a situation where I'm being paid to do just the same. I'm not sure how to do this: but I'm starting with a simple statement:

I believe that taking lessons and practicing my site reading will lend myself to higher paying gigs. I'm nodding, to myself. Yes this is true for me.

The question I've been hearing lately around a lot among artistic and musical circles is this: We are going to get pushed out of this town. That's not an exaggeration, and it's not hysterical - if you want to be an underground artist.

If you want to do architecture or build houses for a living and you happen to play music, you'll be fine. If you want to continue to make the music you like to make and it doesn't happen to be Taylor Swift or the like, you will be eating beans. There is about I would guess a 3% chance you're not going to eat beans.

If Austin wants to keep it's cultural roots and not turn into something that looks like Deep Eddy in Dallas or The Riverwalk in San Antonio, they're going to have to keep coming up with ways to help their artists. I really believe this.

Some ideas: 
-an emergency stipend for rent/bills for WORKING (not slacker) musicians. I'm kind of harsh about this: you should be working as an artist, but I'll let the gatekeepers deal with that.
-An artists co - op of of duplex or condo's. A 90210 for artists of all types. Partially City-Funded (not art businesses I believe there is that going on already)-- See the Canopy.
-That's all I got. I've got to go pick up my animal from Emancipet. He got a ((FFRREEEEE))) surgery from the mobile clinic:: SNIP SNIP. Found him running around like a mashugana on the East Side in front of Arlan's on Airport.

So - see - we fund for animals. If we didn't there would be 1,000,000 more dogs and cats on the streets running wild. More disease, trash, poo-- catch my drift?

Let's start getting real about taking care of ourselves and our communities. If Austin wants to "KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD" it's going to do more than build up the huge establishments on South Lamar, keep air cranes in the downtown sky, and build up condos no one I know can afford.

It's going to have to keep a balance of what's weird and cool in our little community (the creative people - duh) with what's going to bring in $$$.