I'm an intellectual! Is that so wrong? Art, underground music, and the age of Podcasting

Hi guys! It has been eons since I've made a post. I've wanted to, but I'm in a very scattered phase apparently and though I haven't been terribly busy, a chaos seems present that swirls around in my brain.

At the same time, I've been devoted to enjoying this long hot Texas summer. My new BF has a parks pass and we've been swimming a lot and cooking a lot! 

...I haven't seen my girlfriends in soooo long! Sorry ladies I'll come running when this pink cloud bursts. You too my brothas. 

I digress. What am I talking about? I'm thinking about this professor in college. It was when I was a freshman, and I think it was English Lit. 

He said the very first day, "Who here is an intellectual?" 

Only like 2 people raised their hands; Out of a HUGE UT class- not including me. He went on to discuss the art of learning, reading, expanding. 

He said lets talk about why that noun-jative (lol noun AND adjative- I made that up, see I so smart) is such a "dirty word" in our culture. 

I'm summarizing, but I'll never forget this. I don't remember what was discussed that day, or who this professor was, but in my mind it goes like this:

Our overarching American culture of censorship, suppression, conservatism and idealism enjoys weighing down ideas or ways of life that aren't conservative or more importantly free thinking. 

I'm not saying anything new! I know that. And this sounds like a diatribe. 

But my personal point is not to rant. 

It is that I love Podcasts. 

I LOVE them! On a flight to Atlanta (a stop on my way to HONK! Rio!!!! I'm going to blow some sax with Environmenta Encroachment, Brass Band Chicago) 

I have listened to 3 - all Fresh Air podcasts. With Terry Gross. 

The first was about The Ladies of Broad City - thank you gals you have made something that is laugh out loud funny and I LOVE the show) 

The next a writer Robert Stone who is now deceased; who wrote novels and memoirs about his life in the 60's with Ken Kesey and the Mary Pranksters, "Dog Soldiers" . I now want to read it! 

The third was/is I'm still listening to it/ a previous militant Islamist extremist who,  inspired by Orwells Animal Farm, moderated his thinking and beliefs and reformed himself. He puts us into the mind of how and why this thinking takes root. He tells us his amazing story! 

All is to say I'm obsessed with podcasts and before that, all there was was this crappy talk radio- but I listened to it, A lot! On my little radio. 

And now -- drumroll--- it's MY turn! I'm starting a podcast with 2 of my buddies. 

It's called On Common Ground and we are interviewing local ATX musicians about how a song of someone else's has influenced one of their songs. 

This is soooo me! Sooooo fun and exciting for me. I've always wanted to do something like this. And thankfully I have go-getter partners that know many of the new ATX artists ( they are a good 10 yes younger than me) and they are integrated into the new musical scene here. 

I am the older brigade. We are all musicians, and we all are enthusiasts. 

I hope the podcast feeds the brains of the intellectuals out there that live music, culture and the arts.

We release in the Fall! 

This post has nothing to do with MUSIC! and all to do with The Dom next door

Well she's not next door:: she's around lets just say. My fun-loving Dominatrix! Tonight, on this special night, I got to see her in action! Her house, OPEN, and full of chains and stuff! Her cabinets, with sex toys! Her stilettos casually, tossed about, and lube bottle(s) strewn. She has a slave, one that "gets off" on doing chores or whatever the Dom says. It's not sex, it's chores. THEY LOVE IT. Slap Slap do this do that! Look at me ! LOL It's so foreign to me, to be dominant in that way. And to imagine that it's someone's fantasy is wow.

Here's how I am dominant: zzzz I know boring. I'll get back to her in a second :-->>>>

- I lead a band, and it is MY project so I"m the boss, in the end. Though I try to take into consideration feelings, blah blah zzzzz I lead.
-i own my own business and don't take orders from many. I can't stand managers, but clients I love.
-I can be pretty bossy when I feel comfortable, but I don't hardly know how to ask someone to do something for me, or more to the point why anyone would help! I shrink at the thought that someone would spend time just HELPING ME. Regardless, people do come over and help me around the house (like Laurie -- thank you. she showed me how to Tile my kitchen) and I'm grateful. But, my main frame of mind is REALLY? Million Thanks! I"m always surprised. AND I rarely ask for help. I have to be pretty desperate.

Back to my girl! She is teaching me a lot about myself in reference to dominance and submissive roles and personalities. I've become more conscious of the types of people I have been dating, how I treat people and how they treat me, and the friends I choose...and... I ask her advice. Not cause she's a Dom, but because she's a good listener and gives good advice. She's very level-headed.

But mainly i'm currently interested in the psychology: Dominant and Submissive. Before my marriage ended, I read "The Erotic Mind"  A book recommended to me by my bff therapist. It was very fascinating, and reading that book it made me realize that I lacked a fantasy life!!!! I had none. Oh trust me I live in fantasy land...but it's more of in a spaced-out stoner way via arrested development.

Here's my favorite description of that book: The Erotic Mind is a breakthrough exploration of the least understood dimensions of human sexuality—the psychology of desire, arousal, and fulfillment. 

Back to the DOM! what part of the brain makes you want to be a slave to someone? I'm fascinated.

Also, more to my point, why do some people have great chemistry and others don't? THERE IS SOMETHING GOING ON. It's not just all "pheromones". It's how someone treats you, how they touch and interact with you. How they make you feel and how you make them feel, their backgrounds...etc.

But there is a part of the brain that controls all of this and it is really mysterious. Because people are mysterious. And varied, SO VERY VARIED> Everyone is so different. It really is exciting in a way: the brain.

I think the Dom has said it over and over that everyone is slightly different. I think it's her job to be confidant that she can deliver what they like. I'm not sure, but maybe it's not all that different from people's various taste in music, or art.

Anyway, back to me and my woes: I got friend-zoned today. Yes we had chemistry. We weren't boyfriends so it's not really a big deal. But, it was over before it started. And I knew it wasn't forever. So I can't be too overwhelmed. I'm a bit underwhelmed, actually. But I shed a tear anyway. I shed a tear for all that wasted chemistry. I know it can't sustain anything for too long. But I don't take it for granted, either.

Just like I'm not going to take for granted anything, really. I'm going to continue to live, let live, and learn from the DOM. !!!

When I say Minor Mishap has "changed my life" I mean it...

Like WHY? How? 

As I rummage around my house looking for yellow and black costuming for our impending Mardi Gras week, I put a Pete Fountain record on the player. It sets my bluesy mood and literally brings in the blues. I'm crying now! OH THANKS. 

It's important for me to reflect be thankful and grateful for the things that bring me pleasure and joy. I don't always feel that way, but I do now so I'm rolling with it. 

The band that is Minor Mishap (I know I talk a lot about it on my blog so go to a freaking show already!) has impacted me a lot and here's how. 

In 2012 I had just completed a near impossible feat of recording, producing, releasing and doing a big live performance and video release to celebrate Radixxx, DD Dagger's second record. I was EXHAUSTED and needed a break from it. A lot of things had been really stressful: Musicians being flakey, venues screwing up, extreme pressure on myself, and my dancers acting meshugeneh and stressing me out. 

I opened a space up for something new, and one day I went to lunch with The Wizard at Mr. Natural. We an into Thomas Van Der Brook and Jeff Luna. They invited me to play! They were looking for another sax. I had just bought a Baritone! See how that works? (as a side note soon after they recruited me they both took an indefinite hiatus from the band:( )) Jeff has since rejoined on sousaphone and we drivin together to NOLA in 2 days. !!!

Blah blah onto the part that's interesting. I'm already bored with this post. 

Here's how the band has CHANGED ME

-I feel changed inside. LOL

-I didn't know how great a huge band family could be. doctors, a scientists, amazing teachers, profoundly great musicians and people convene in this band. Besides that I'm pretty needy, so there's that. 

-Street art has become a big part of my life. I wrote a grant for the City of Austin around that concept this year and now will be producing some street music and art of my own composition with Rachel Weiss. (dancer, amazing)

-the extreme joy and surprise that I see on people's faces when we do a homemade parade in East Austin is enlivening to me. Many years of bar rock had worn on me. Don't get me wrong: I love playing in bars. But it has its limitations. 

-I'm a profoundly better sax player than when I joined 3+ years ago. In fact, I had put down the sax for about 4 years to play guitar. BORING plus I sucked. But my songs are good. 

-my soloing has turned a corner (it was always my favorite part) and now I pick notes out of the air like the empath I am.

-This band got me through my divorce this year. The whole time I was in so much pain. The music was a great diversion for me, and the support was so great. 2 people in the band were also going through a break up, 2 very loving and important people to me. Divorcio. I watched them (throat choke!) move through it with grace, love, and care and I have tried to act within that spirit as well. We've made it! The new-millennium divorce is complete, friendly and loving. 

-I get to tour more!  Love it. I don't know if I've conveyed how I feel. I guess you'll see the revelry from my pics on the streets of NOLA next week. BIG BANDS RULE go buy and instrument and practice till your lips are blue. 

xoxox

Going to War with Energy: an Empath walks into a room

I'm always amazed that the amount of people who don't know what an empath is: 

em·path

ˈempaTH/

noun

1. (chiefly in science fiction) a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

Being an empath doesn't mean you have good intuition (though one might) or that you can read minds. It means you can read energy! The state of things, the state of a person:: you FEEL it. Even if you don't want to. 

We're not psychics, mediums or healers, though one might also have those qualities. 

It means when I walk into a room: especially a healing space, or somewhere where I feel vulnerable, I can feel the energy and, unfortunately since I'm me, I go to the negative person in the room and absorb it. I've done this incessantly at my live shows and I have had to close my eyes or look away or down. 

It hasn't happened in a long time since my band is so badass now: There's no denying it! I feel very confidant with a solid army behind me. 

Imagine how it sucks when you have a psycho (in my favorite healing space) that hates you! Seeths bad energy! Not only is it energetic, She has pushed me too: out of the way. Been nasty in front of people: It is not in my mind. 

This has been my experience about the last 5 years in my favorite recovery meeting.

I have/had done everything! Stepwork, Energy Cleansing, EMDR, meditation: and though these things have helped me, THAT BITCH STILL IS BAD NEWS! She is still giving off the same bad energy, and I'm absorbing it. I even wrote a song about it, Cat Fight. (coming out in a couple of weeks) I will post it later after its mastered. I wrote it this time last year. 

One who is not an empath might say, "just ignore her!" And trust me I have. The problem with my untrained empathy is I don't know how to remove my antenna: It's stuck on "on". I won't go into the neurosis about why It's stuck. 

It seems particularly bad when I'm upset, vulnerable, someone died, or I am in trouble. 

I am so sick of it! The other day my antenna got stuck on and I couldn't get focused on my recovery meeting. I signed my divorce papers this week, and things have been very unstable. 

This is a weird thing too:: she's gorgeous! She dresses just in the style I like! So it's a mind-fu$# because she's so visually interesting to look at. But what a sociopath inside! It confounds my brain. 

Anyway, I talked to a former roommate of hers about her, cause I knew they had had a falling out. She also goes to my meeting. She also has been upset at the way this girl gives out terrible energy to her, and acts like an emotional vampire, sucking the goodness out:: one breath at a time. 

She affirmed that this girl does this same thing to her, but just sometimes, she'll throw a curve ball and be NICE! What a psycho-biatch. Who needs it. Oh guess what? My friend has NO IDEA WHY, what she did or what happened to her to change her status from "roommate" to "Hated-bitch" They never even had an argument. (She is gorgeous too, btw)

We agreed to have a signal for each other- (she is ALSO an empath) a Peace sign. We're going to shoot each other a peace sign if we are having a hard time focusing, if the energy in the room is bad, or simply if we've had a run-in with the dreaded gorgeous psychopath. 

It's like going to WAR every time I walk into that church basement. I have to put my psychic armor on. Block myself from the ammo, and retreat.

Music: restoring me to sanity AGAIN. Improv, Todd V Wolfson, MonkeyNest Jamz

I have given up a lot for music. But last night it clearly gave something back to me. I have been UPINDAHEAD way too much lately, and it's been hard to meditate my way out of it. It's been hard to "AA - my way out of it" Yes -- I'm outing myself, finally!

It's been hard to "yoga" my way out of this tough time too: (separation/impending divorce/midlife crisis, just the little things!)

I guess, maybe, because these things are not my purpose in life, they are just part of my life.

Art is my purpose, and I only know that because I never cared (like, in school) about anything but my art class. The art class I finally took as a senior!!! I just meandered for 4 years doing as little as possible prior.

There was that one literature class where we read Shakespeare aloud...that was RAD!

It's all I cared for and I had a nurturing art teacher that year (finally) that gave me some love, attention, and good vibes that I desperately needed to secure a path to the artistic realm. I needed it: I had started to get into a lot of trouble with drugs, boys in school, and I was going to the principles office a lot. That's about what I remember.

Let's just make it up as we go along! 

There is one thing that I see over and over in artists (artistry) that inspires me so much. They live in a space in the world where it's ok to just make it up. Make it up as we go along. It comes out in the music, it comes out in their gigs and art.

Last night, Houser said to me: Oh yeah, I'm playing with Edie Brickell in Dallas (as well as with David Garza) We play early at 8- then Me and Hubbard are going to get in the car and drive immediately to play a gig with Golden Dawn Arkestra at Art Outside: we'll get there right ontime:: at 1am!

I was like, really? Aren't you going to be tired? He said, "It's all in your perspective, really - Isn't it?" Agreed. And, I'm sad I can't be at the Edie show, as she was a huge influence on me in high school. Kristen and I listened to "What I am" and that whole record incessantly...

Thank God I will be playing at Art Outside too, with Minor Mishap, and I will be in the front row cheering on my peeps.

Brad inspires me so much: So does this motley cure of brass below me: Salmon and Hubbard. These guys..............





This jam is what I needed. I needed to be surrounded by like-minded people. I needed the beautiful, made up in the moment artistry. I needed to feel it in the air, and on my lips! I needed to catch notes out of the sky and feel like a part of it.

The way Todd's jams work is someone will throw a tune out there, and we all hop on the bus. You pluck notes out of the air, you find the scale, you find the spaces in which to insert something pretty. Or in my case laugh, or be silly.

At one point I was making up a song on Bruce's Resonator - Todd MADE me. I had prepared no originals, so I put 3 chords together. Behind me, at some point, as I was trying to make up lyrics that sounded stupid to me, but what what I was feeling, it was more serious than I had wanted it to sound...

This girl behind me was shaking trash from a trash can - it was so rigorous, almost in time but not, that I turned around and was like, WTF is that? It was trash!

I laughed out loud, and then the drummer John Bush and I had another laugh about it as we recapped the irony:0

At another point Me, Bruce, and Hubbard got up and acted as a section, plucking out tunes together. Later, Hubbard walked outside with his accordian for a bit to play to the stars.

I nearly followed....

Todd told me to freak out, so I freaked out on the horn making it crazy.

OH! It was much to do about nothing.

Precisely what was inspiring about it.

PHOTOS by Sheridan

If you can do anything else besides music....

I am trying to better myself. I have taken up (again) saxophone lessons with the amazing Austin Guitarist, composer, sax player Shawn Jones. (The Lovely Sparrows) With the focus of (well, everything) but mainly site reading.

As a sax player in the big band Minor Mishap my band leader Datri Bean always has music for the Bari Sax to play. At first I would just ear everything like I do in all my other bands, and learn my part via one of the other 3 or so woodwinds. But, I quickly realized that Bari is always on harmony, rarely on melody. So ear-playing other people's parts did a disservice to MM. I wasn't playing what she wrote. And her parts are amazing, so full of harmonies. I ended up relying on my bandmates to use their spare time to walk me through my part. It was frustrating for me-- though they're SO NICE about it.

Anyways, I've done another article about my fear of site reading when I was sitting in with Hungry March in NYC. I desperately didn't want to look like a fool - they were presenting a new song that rehearsal. So I digress....

The point of this musing is that my teacher and I were discussing his other students who are seniors in high school - they are working on most difficult material for their honors - or all state or whatever it's called! They are studying some really hard stuff.

At any rate, he told me that most of them look to him for guidance about what to study in college. They have been working on this for 4 years! And this is the pinnacle.

What does he say to them?

"If you can be happy doing AnYTHING else besides playing music you should do it."

I totally agree. Because like Shawn I'm driving the same car I have driven for 10 years, I hustle gigs every week, and I often go without so that I can have my days free to create.

This relates to me because fortunately or unfortunately (and I've tried) I don't think I can be happy doing a 9-5, not being free to create. I've tried it. If had the best jobs- they coolest bosses, and some ideal situations.

Just a thought I constantly process. Can I be happy doing anything else?

...Show tonight super awesome band - props, dance and all - at Firehouse Lounge 10 - 12. I'm pretending we're in France - circa Toulouse Lautrec.
DD Dagger photo below: Isaac Soloman: Marfa, TX