a word about sexuality. a word about MY Sexuality....

Something awkward happened to me the other night when I went to meet Derick to dance at a blues club near my house.

An acquaintance that I worked for many years ago, when I was in my mid 20's who was playing bass on stage came to give me a hug. He might have been tipsy. He said, you and those grandma glasses:: You act so good. I know you ain't!

I'm like, what? Yes I am. I'm just the same old girl you always knew. I said, "I'm just the girl next door."

It was weird. I was thinking, wtf is he talking about? I'm thinking he must be talking about the photos. The art photos I do with Wolfson and some of the other art photog's I work with that are periodically posted on FB and wherever. Mainly Wolfie's. They can get rac-y, but never any boob or anything even! They suggest a sexuality. A sexuality that exists in every human being! LoL.

Regardless, let me tell you:: this might be a surprise if you don't know me.  That is a character. That is not me. Just like the character I present on stage. I mean, it's ME but not really.

It's an ACT PEOPLE.

I'm an entertainer and that is part of the entertainment. I move like a dancer cause I am a dancer, and sometimes that is sexy.

allow me to use this phrase again: 'Let me tell you' I am a human being. I am a sexual human being like all others. But I have said before, I'm more Woody Allen than Karen O. I am NOT wild. I am not terribly adventurous. I'm not even an extrovert though I fear I'd be more successful if I were. I have had to cultivate a character that is interesting to me, for the stage, for photos, so I can sing my songs and be interested in it myself.

Maybe it's interesting to me cause it is SO different than me. DD Dagger is NOT Allyson Lipkin. It is a part of her, and that name is so not me I can't believe I have stuck with it and I don't know why I have chosen it.

It maybe suggests a strength that I have had to muster. A fighting sense. Have I mentioned being a live performer (but particularly a front-woman songwriter) is a challenge in ways that are psychological? Kind of like challenging yourself to a very hard-core cross country biking trip or a marathon. A marathon with no end....

I know some wild people. I have a dominatrix that lives at the corner of my block. She has a slave for a boyfriend! LOL I have no clue to these things. I wrote and recorded an album called EROD-ICA. Crossing erotica and eroding together. Come on.

I'm just a nice Jewish girl! LOL Well, just another Jewish Priestess.

Photo: last month: the incredible undeniable Todd V Wolfson Austin, TX

photo: ed verosky: NYC 2014

a pair of the infamous grandma glasses at the old Austin City Limits

photo by Ed Verosky: NYC 2014

PHoto Jerry Milton

photo: Raindogg Brooklyn

another pair of the infamous grandma glasses. Photo: Jerry Milton this week in Austin, TX

I'm blogging more-- deal with it!

I was thinking about music and musicians -- again. 

I went to a healer today. He loves working with blocks in creativity and music. And though I'm "in the flow" I have been pretty negative lately. 

Here are my negative notes from the underground::

1. Please get better! You're 40 and still playing at the level that is lower than many elementary children? Practice more and dream less. 

2. If you are awesome, and know you're an amazing player, you're not fun to play with, you can't share the stage and you have an ego problem. Don't get near me!

3. It is hard for me and rough on my ego but my Dagger band: I promise to forever pass the tip jar around during and after the set- we made an extra $69 (yes how lovely) because I insisted on going around the club begging for $ & €. (I did cop out the second half and get Phil's girlfriend to do it but hell- it's the best I could do) Is $69 nickels and dimes? Yes! But that stack of cash is nice to give out to the band so they can go get tacos for breakfast-- and treat their boy/girlfriend.

4.The bar Manager loved my set quote, "that was pretty fucking awesome" so I gave him a cd and asked him to put it on the jukebox. I'm a million years old and I said jukebox! 

5. Instead of shouting out "be sure to tip your bartenders people" which for some reason annoys the shit out of me, I said how are those drinks Y'all?? Yell if you love Firehouse! I'm sure that equally annoying. But this bar DOES do specialty cocktails and they do work so hard on each drink....of which as usual I had zip not even a virgin piña colada. What's wrong with me?

6. It's not uncommon for me to avoid the bar all night long and not drink a single thing. I loath waiting around that bar it feels like a cattle call. 

7. It is true!!! I got off my scooter with sax axe on my back and bag of framed art AND props and the door guy (with a line of people to get in) said hello Ms. Dagger and let me cut on in. I totally felt like a rockstar.

8. Please God I want to tour Catalan again please please after Honk! NYC I will do anything!

9. The healer said I was Brave (in that I faced the music -- lol) in regards to my problems and I believed him.

10. He said genuine love had been given/passed to me and that could I feel it? I couldn't at the time. 

It was a free healing session. It was lovely, but hard work. Healers are very weird and like many therapists some are very whack in their own right. But these guys were really cool- and it's free Wed 6-9 and Sunday 2-5 at Casa De Luz. 

Go check it out. I'm blogging more so I can get my thoughts out and refine them.

Goodnight! 1:37am Sunday night

Ms. Dagger

Next show:: Minor Mishap at the Mohawk Downtown ATX

If you can do anything else besides music....

I am trying to better myself. I have taken up (again) saxophone lessons with the amazing Austin Guitarist, composer, sax player Shawn Jones. (The Lovely Sparrows) With the focus of (well, everything) but mainly site reading.

As a sax player in the big band Minor Mishap my band leader Datri Bean always has music for the Bari Sax to play. At first I would just ear everything like I do in all my other bands, and learn my part via one of the other 3 or so woodwinds. But, I quickly realized that Bari is always on harmony, rarely on melody. So ear-playing other people's parts did a disservice to MM. I wasn't playing what she wrote. And her parts are amazing, so full of harmonies. I ended up relying on my bandmates to use their spare time to walk me through my part. It was frustrating for me-- though they're SO NICE about it.

Anyways, I've done another article about my fear of site reading when I was sitting in with Hungry March in NYC. I desperately didn't want to look like a fool - they were presenting a new song that rehearsal. So I digress....

The point of this musing is that my teacher and I were discussing his other students who are seniors in high school - they are working on most difficult material for their honors - or all state or whatever it's called! They are studying some really hard stuff.

At any rate, he told me that most of them look to him for guidance about what to study in college. They have been working on this for 4 years! And this is the pinnacle.

What does he say to them?

"If you can be happy doing AnYTHING else besides playing music you should do it."

I totally agree. Because like Shawn I'm driving the same car I have driven for 10 years, I hustle gigs every week, and I often go without so that I can have my days free to create.

This relates to me because fortunately or unfortunately (and I've tried) I don't think I can be happy doing a 9-5, not being free to create. I've tried it. If had the best jobs- they coolest bosses, and some ideal situations.

Just a thought I constantly process. Can I be happy doing anything else?

...Show tonight super awesome band - props, dance and all - at Firehouse Lounge 10 - 12. I'm pretending we're in France - circa Toulouse Lautrec.
DD Dagger photo below: Isaac Soloman: Marfa, TX