10 days of me, just me.

After a tear soaked yoga class tonight, during the meditation, I had an inspired idea. 

I'm going to do 10 self portraits for 10 days. 

Why? I asked myself. Because I want you to look at yourself, for that time, in the mirror, and find what you see. Oy vey!

I know what I feel: empty. The immense loss, a divorce. 

But what do you see? 

In Tonight's portrait I see a young woman, younger than I expected. I see some fearful eyes. I see a slight look away. I don't think I see myself.

I have not done a self portrait in a very very long time. I felt them, after art school, self indulgent I guess. Of course occasionally I would do one. But now I think back the last one was during an immense time of grief: I painted myself crying with a grackle in my hand:: my sister had died. 

That was 10 years ago! I am never over her death, of course,  but my grief today is no longer about her- she is with me always.

Today's portrait is kind of stiff. It doesn't look much like me. But I'm not into censoring myself. So this is the first attempt. 

Oh. I also see an abstract line going through my head. I am split....

...and I think I have a headache now.